if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize