You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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