Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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