So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize