just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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