dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
