A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
