Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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