There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
