Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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