I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
