I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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