Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
