ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
