i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
