look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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