Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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