So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
