I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
