I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize