so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
