repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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