There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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