Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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