Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
