Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
