bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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