Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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