I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
