Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
