Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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