Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
