Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
