I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
