i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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