There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
