Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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