he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize