Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
