You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
