Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
