Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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