Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
