I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
