Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
