Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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