I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
