What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize