my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
operation have a gay friend backfired
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
