I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
