Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blood and glitter go together right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
