And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
