I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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