Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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