My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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