She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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