The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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