You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
