forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
