She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
