All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
