I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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