WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He felt like a one man threesome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
