so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she pinky promised me she was 18
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
