Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
