would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
