Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
