She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
