he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
