I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
