Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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