not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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