Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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