I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
