i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
